When I was an undergrad I was fascinated by the Jerry Springer show.  Day after day, night after night, I couldn’t seem to get enough of drunken ramblings, and the shock of incestuous adulterous relationships.  I shamelessly admit I was drawn to the obscenity of it all.  I loved the idea of living vicariously through the drama of strangers as they destroyed personal relationships and embarrassed the heck out of themselves.

As I matured and reality TV evolved over the years I wondered what was so enticing about watching the lives of other people fall apart.  Good grief, what is it? Simply a case of good old fashioned voyeurism or the shock of watching seemingly average people test sacred relationships without remorse and fiercely compete against one another?  

Was I among the masses that watch reality TV because I want to escape, or was I fantasizing about gaining celebrity even if it meant putting myself in a compromising position to do so.  If given the chance could I be brave enough to publicly humiliate myself?

Among thoughts floating across my mind as I watched shows like survivor, Amazing Race, Temptation Island and others was- why were these supposedly average people on TV to begin with.  Maybe some for money, among a long list of other reasons-I guess. 

After questioning why these characters were on TV posing as real, and why I bothered to watch in the first place, I also had to ask myself if I was able to handle my own reality and be content.    

Maybe Henry David Thoreau hit the nail on the head when he said “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” 

A dear friend of mine from work who hunts in his spare time, decided to gift me with a few links of delicious venison sausage.   I don’t have all the precision that most cooks have, but I managed to put this wonderful spicy and healthy recipe together.  

To make this meal complete- indulge in a glass of Pinot and fresh Italian bread dipped in oil and fresh basil.

Usually, the first thing I do at the end of a long day is unhook my contraption, and toss it!

Today, Its Saturday and I’ve decided to take a drive to the local Starbucks for my morning chai.  The difference between this morning and every other morning trip to Starbucks is that I have decided to go sans brasserie-the road less traveled in my neck of the woods.

For months I’ve been apprehensive about wearing the long, free flowing cotton summer dress that has been in my closet collecting dust partially due to a dilemma that most women are familiar with.  How does a woman who is not exactly Perky Pamela pull off a strapless, and practically backless tube top dress without a bra? 

I thought about buying a contraption that would hold me up, and tuck me in.  Would this solution be more uncomfortable than every other brasserie I own?  Would it make a difference if I spent $5 or $50?  Probably not.  Would I have to tuck, pull and pat-all to make sure this contraption kept my girls from playing Peek-A-Boo-probably so. 

Well.  First and foremost, the girls and I would much rather be comfortable than perky-at least today.  So I put my dress on, checked to make sure my headlight weren’t on (I hope this is a universal term-eek!), and headed out the door as chipper as a song bird.   As I stood in line waiting to place my order at Starbucks, the woman behind me leaned it with a raised eyebrow, clearly conveying her discontent and whispered in a strained voice:

That’s a lovely dress…are you wearing a bra dear?

I smiled sweetly of course.  Then, I snapped my tube top loud enough to imply, that the girls and I-were in fact not wearing a bra.

Sweetback & Amel Larrieux 

Lyrics:

I got a story that must be heard,

About a little girl who wished she was a bird

She was unhappy livin’ in her ghetto cage,

But it gave her hope when her sweet grandma would say:

(Baby, you will rise)

Rise

(Limit is the skies)

The skies

(Don’t let nobody fill your head with their lies)

Nobody.. fill your head with lies

(Baby, you will rise)

Rise

(Never compromise)

Compromise

(Milk and honey is waitin’ for you on the other side)

Waitin’ for you on the other side

She had a burning desire to go far,

And she had lively hopes of reaching every star

One day she’d leave this place,

But never forget her people’s face

And when she found her dreams,

She’d come back and proclaim:

(Baby, you will rise)

Rise

(Limit is the skies)

The skies

(Don’t let nobody fill your head with their lies)

Nobody.. fill your head with lies

(Baby, you will rise)

Rise

(Never compromise)

Compromise

(Milk and honey is waitin’ for you on the other side)

Waitin’ for you on the other side

You will rise..

(Baby, you will rise)

Rise

(Limit is the skies)

The skies

(Don’t let nobody fill your head with their lies)

Nobody.. fill your head with lies

(Baby, you will rise)

Rise

(Never compromise)

Compromise

(Milk and honey is waitin’ for you on the other side)

Waitin’ for you on the other side

Got a burning in my heart,

To keep it real and do my part

Got a burning in my soul,

To recognize where I’m from, yeah

Got a burning in my heart,

To keep it real and do my part

Got a burning in my soul

To recognize where I’m from, yeah

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to eat.  Those who know me well, know that I also enjoy cooking when I have the time.   

My dilemma is that grocery shopping is one of least my favorite things to do.  Walking up and down endless isles of overstocked shelves and having to choose between ten brands of the same product sends me swerving down the ladder of indecisiveness.  I stand in the toilet paper isle for minutes on end, trying to figure out which brand my bum will agree with.  This doesn’t seem right.  Sometimes, I try to narrow down the choices by deciding on the generic brand of a product.  Even then, I am left with five or six options.    

Similar to myself, others are drawn to stores like Wal-Mart because of their convenience and because they can save a few dollars.  The introduction of one-stop shopping is a new concept for many, including myself.  I can purchase groceries, general merchandise, and pharmaceuticals of various sorts in a central location.  Loving it! 

However, there are plenty of down sides.  I don’t love, or even like going to great lengths to avoid the chaos within grocery stores.   Overworked, underpaid staff, cranky cashiers, and long checkout lines and fellow consumers who bring their families along for the day trip don’t make the experience too great either.     

Inner conflict is also an issue.  I continuously encounter women who accidentally crash their cart into mine, hoping to stop me from reaching an item first.  Children run up and down, screaming, hitting and of course playing bumper cars or dodge ball with merchandise.   

Can a sista make it to the bread isle this week?   A simple ‘Excuse me’ does not seem to be understood, so I usually end up leaving without bread.  Instances like this, in addition to my indecisiveness when confronted with “so much stuff” turns a mundane task into an excursion through a wild kingdom.  I usually leave the store exhausted, cranky, and lacking a few items on my list.       

For some of us, it takes a certain level of tolerance to shop at large conglomerates.  The idea of one-stop shopping, and saving money is very enticing, of course.  But for me, I don’t know if the stress and inner conflict is worth it anymore.  I think I’ll bank my tolerance and save it for a rainy day. 

When grocery shopping becomes stressful enough to work my nerves, maybe its time to shop elsewhere and explore other possibilities.

I have often obsessed about what I would say when I finally had the courage to pick up the phone and call.  I thought I would stumble over my words, apologize profusely between rapid breaths and streams of tears. 

It didn’t quite work that way.  I finally called, not because I felt like I owed an explanation, but to simply say thank you.   Thank you for the weekend reprieves away from my dysfunctional childhood and for buying me my first pair of patent leather shoes.  Little did he know, he was investing in my future when he made that purchase.   

Patent leather shoes were my secret weapon, and they still are.  I have slipped them on many times throughout the journey that is called life.   From childhood innocence to adolescent insecurity, and into adulthood.  At each juncture, my patent leather shoes have produced memories that remind me of who I am and where I’m going. 

I would only wear them at uncles house, while watching the west side story (for the 50^th time in a row) in my best Sunday dress.  However, the moment was never complete unless I was eating and overflowing glass bowl of butter pecan ice cream with a teeny tiny spoon.

When I got tired of watching the west side story, I’d walk around his spacious loft. Reluctant to wear them in public, fearful that they might be scuffed, scratched or that my little heels might get worn.  As I paced his loft and listen to my heels clicking, I imagined what my life was going to be like as a woman.

I would take my uncles legal pad, and diligently begin writing letters to my future self.  Working and reworking the formula that would make me successful.  At 7 and 8 years old, I even planned what it would take to overcome the obstacles I would surely face-the same obstacles all the grown up women in my family whispered about when they didn’t think I was listening.

If the sun was gleaming in through the large bay windows, I’d suddently stop, look down to see my future self, confident and self-assured, smiling back at me. 

I always have a pair of high-heeled patent leather pumps in the closet, waiting for the next juncture, or the next obstacle. The size may be different, but the reflection is still the same. 

For months I have come up with various excuses not to exercise.  The heat, not wanting to sweat, and being tired are a few of my most recent excuses.   I know, pretty pathetic huh? 

Being healthy is very important to me, but I seem to have let myself slide for a while.  The idea that I needed some R&R turned into a sedentary lifestyle right under my nose.  I had no idea exactly how far gone I have become until I tried on a pair of pants the other day (elastic waist) and they felt snug and very uncomfortable.  Oh man….how many miles will I have to run in order to burn off the extra poundage?, and how did I get here in the first place?  I won’t go into details because the how is quite obvious.  In general I have indulged in everything that comes along with a sedentary lifestyle.  As a result, my body has started to send not so subtle signals-if you know what I mean.  

According to my general physician, there are clinical studies that indicate leading a sedentary life style will kill a person faster than a pack a day smoking habit. Sedentary lifestyles lead to unhealthy behaviors, cardiovascular diseases and of course premature death. Well, I don’t think I want to die sooner, nor put myself at risk for related health problems such as diabetes, obesity, deteriorating bones and joints, etc… 

Along the R&R journey, I think I forgot that every body, no matter how young or old that body is, requires daily maintenance.  If there is no maintenance, our bodies are susceptible to a wide range of physical ailments.  I’ve realized that youth is not literally a never ending fountain or a “get out of jail free card” where health matters are concerned. 

A few years ago, cardiovascular was not a word in my vocabulary.  I had never experienced backaches, indigestion, sleep deprivation, or excessive bloating and flatulence.  I was just about invincible to the after effects of weekend nights filled with cigarette smoke, loud music, lots of alcohol and non-stop dancing.  Today, nearly a decade later, a night like that would put me out of commission for a few days.  My body and lifestyle habits are more important now than they have ever been.  Cardiovascular health takes precedence over desperate and vain attempts to squeeze into the perfect size 4 or 6.  A Bolloywood movie and few glasses of wine will be just fine thank you.

After recently speaking with my doctor, motivated me to do a little research on my own.  The Centers for Disease Control (CDC). was a great resource because not only do they provide guidelines and helpful hints about diet and exercise, but they also attempt to help people who are stuck in a rut (for one reason or another) by providing tips on overcoming barriers to physical activity. 

 The human body requires maintenance friends, and I’m just now starting to take it very seriously.  The sedentary lifestyle is pure foolishness, not to mention bad for your waistline!